dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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