All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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