Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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