"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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