You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you win again, gameday.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
