His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
