:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
