I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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