You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just found puke in my bra..
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
