I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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