Non-Jews are for practice
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
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