The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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