I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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