I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
