Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
two words: eviction party
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
