I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
