I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
