I seem to have left my pride at pride
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
