Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
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