Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
