names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
