Acid is not a monday night drug
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Randomize
