The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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