We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
