I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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