I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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