So drunk its hurt
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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