Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
