Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
