its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
