I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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