She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
