Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
