So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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