Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
