Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
