That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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