Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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