Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
