hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
