I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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