Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
