Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
It's never too late to be topless.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
