I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
