You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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