Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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