When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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