Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
