i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
