Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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