I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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